my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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