And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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