Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
