yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
