hell yes lets make some ravioli
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
