nut hugger
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
