do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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