remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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