I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just had sex bonerless
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
