oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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