im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Boobs speak an international language.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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