I want to make a zoo with you.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
