so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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