oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
