I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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