you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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