I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
