hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
