i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
