Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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