this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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