she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
