I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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