On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
