btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it because I queefed?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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