there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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