I want to make a zoo with you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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