Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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