God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
