Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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