Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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