We named our party play list daddy issues
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
