Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
