Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
