I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
