There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
