I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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