The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This is my gift to your gina
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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