If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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