so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
