Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
