you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
