i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
