I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
