i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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