C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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