just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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