Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
