So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
