last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
