I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
