Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
