why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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