you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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